i realized after my last blog post...that something I've always struggled with, is opening up to people...a voice in my head says, "don't say that, that will be stupid or dumb, or no one really cares"....or i fear rejection, which has been a huge issue in my life. It hurts to be rejected, right down to the inner most parts of you...and for that reason, I don't even say things, then I won't have to worry about someone saying what I thought was stupid or whatever else I fear will come out of their mouths. My sister even says that I never tell her things...like they never even know if I like a guy or what I am planing on doing, all because I'm afraid of them rejecting my plans or likes.
I remember years ago when I first started as a make-up artist, I was afraid to tell people confidently, "yeah, i'm a make-up artist", all because I wasn't making "a living" at it. Yet! The keyword was yet! Instead I would say, "well I work at a restaurant in Beverly Hills....", or, "I want to be a make-up artist". Well one night I was talking with an old song writer that wrote with the Beatles, and he, "Just because you aren't making money at something, doesn't mean you aren't an artist." He told me to start telling people what I am, because inside me, that's what you are. Just because you get a paycheck, that isn't the moment you become that, you've been an artist for years. And yes, when my little hands would draw pictures and nail them to a tree in my front yard, I was an artist.
I used to draw for hours, entire seasons of my clothing lines...I loved it, and I would pretend I was like Betsey Johnson, Sonia Rykiel, or Karl Lagerfeld....I was a designer.
I just found this from the ELLE blog, and my heart felt like it burst through the ceiling. They compared my "art" to Rei Kawakubo and Commes Des Garcons.......to know that I would be referred to in the same sentence as either one of those names makes me think, "are they talking about me!?!"....Those names have danced across the tv screen as I watched wide-eyed as a little girl soaking up all these runway images that seemed a world away from my living room. While other girls were playing house, I was imagining I was there, getting ready to be interviewed about my fall collection!
I want each and every one of you to give your dreams wings, tell the world of the talents that you hold inside. Set them free to fly to all the places that have been locked in the dream chambers of your heart. You can do it!
Let the world see the sparkle in your eyes when you proudly say, "I am a......fill in the desire of your heart here!"....
Thank you each and every one of you who has encouraged my heart with your loving words. You have no idea what those words have done for me, they have lifted me out of the deep holes of sadness and cruelty that the world dishes out on daily basis.
I hope that this little place in the cyber world, can be a haven for those whose hearts are delicate and beautiful and filled with dreams....I love you all so dearly....please feel my smile and a the warmest of hugs I'm sending each one of you right now....
smiles so big it makes my face look funny.....kandee
